PRESS BOX AUDIBLES
The scene was suddenly perfect. Thirty-two teams dotted the NFL landscape--8 divisions, 4 teams apiece almost geographically correct in balance. Surely nothing could tarnish the return of football which would quickly mute the volume of Baseball's Labor/Owner strife and crushing pain of Team USA's basketball dominance coming to a close.
But so it was written, and so it was done. The NFL opened on a Thursday for only the 2nd time in its history. I guess Paul Tagliabue wasn't satisfied when his sinister plot to open the season in August didn't generate enough disgust several years back. I can imagine how this played out behind the scenes...
ESPN: So, Commissioner Tagliabue, we feel cheated that every week we're resigned to televising the suckiest possible game in front of a national audience on Sunday nights after all of the good games have been played. Whaddya say you let us be the FIRST to televise a crappy game this season? Say like on a Thursday night?
Paul: Well....I dunno....It is a tradition to start the season on a Sunday...
ESPN: We understand your hesitation. We'll even throw in Bon Jovi and Julio Iglesias. Hell, we'll even shut down Times Square on a business day--it's never been done before. We checked into it.
Paul: Tell ya what...make it Enrique Iglesias and your immortal soul and we have a deal.
ESPN: We can get you Enrique, but you'll have to talk to Disney and ABC to get our soul.
Paul: Whatever, let's run with it.
---------
So now the TLC embarks on a new era in which weekly points winners will be paid. I'm all for it. In fact, I'm donating my first week's winnings toward the "Dwight Rowley Fund for a Reliable Mobile Phone Connection."
I'd like to take this time to devote this space in the article to Jason Brookins. I'm sure there will be ample opportunity to give some TLCer an award named for him sometime this season. What is it with NFL players who come from Lane College?
Based on the emails floating around after Saturday, it sounds as if the draft was quite successful--in no small part to Ken Chao showing up to draft for the half of the league who couldn't make it to Smack's house. Come to think of it, my week 1 team is the best I've ever had. I sure hope he doesn't actually join the TLC so he'll be available for next year.
Though our Commissioner discourages $$$ betting on our teams, here are my early favorites to win the divisions and make the playoffs: Sam in the Mr. T, Netboy in the Howie Long, Yours Truly in the C. Bubba Smith, and of course Norm (rookie karma) in the Boba Fett. Early wild card picks include Smack and Big Dave with the Wolf just barely missing the cut.
---
It's now time to go to the mailbag for this week's feedback:
K. Gartzke in Austin writes, "Will the TLC begin testing for steroids like MLB?"
Not likely, Mr. Gartzke. Though 'Nad shrinkage is common in the TLC when it comes to some guys accepting friendly wagers based on their football teams' performances, or just getting Bizarro Bowl "champions" to show up and wear the Kitchen Bitch hat for the draft, it's not believed to be linked to steroid usage.
--
There's time for one quick plug--hurry up and join in the TLC NFL picks pool! It's now entering its 15th year (counting back to that year in which Sam and I exchanged picks during the lunch period when I was a Sophomore at TJ--before the TLC name was attached to the picks). At 10 cents per point, it's an inexpensive way to indulge in that nasty gambling habit you've acquired after following sports for so long.
TLC Sports! It's better than American League baseball!
------------
Brandon West is TLCsports.com contributing editor representing TLC East Coast operations.
